Hey! Wow, holy crap, you’re actually reading this. Welcome to Up At Noon, IGN’s dedicated weekend nonsense variety show, a catch-all for the silly goofball nonsense that’s too stupid for normal work hours.

This week, we got very excited about Godzilla: King of Monsters, a movie which we thought we’d be seeing on Thursday night, but which doesn’t come out until next weekend. My wife bought tickets for opening night because Brian and I are incapable of planning things ourselves, and we got so excited we forgot what week it was.

Bluefin sent over a very nice Godzilla S.H. Monsterarts action figure which is surprisingly pointy, and which you could probably use to pop balloons if that’s something you’re into. I know people get weird with balloons, but not sure if popping them with toys is a thing. But this is the internet, so you never know.

Welp. Anyway.

Also on the show this week:

Fortnite NERF and Super-Soakers – I’ve always loved the idea of NERF blasters based on video game weaponry, and about twenty years too late for it to be socially acceptable for me to go running around outside playing pretend, Hasbro finally made some based on Fortnite, a game I don’t even play. In a perfect world, we’d get NERF versions of the arsenals from Doom, Duke Nukem 3D and Quake. Why can’t more toys be made specifically for me, the adult man, huh?
5 Reasons Tom Nook is an Evil Monster – Brian has a deep and mildly concerning love for Animal Crossing, and like all good Animal Crossing fans, that includes a passionate hatred for Tom Nook. Brian goes on a full-blown rant about how much he’s over that capitalist garbage bear’s slumlord antics. If you want more of Brian talking about Animal Crossing, here’s a solid hour of us playing the GameCube version.
4 TV Shows That S*** The Bed – That’s what we wanted to call that video, but apparently you can’t say “s*** the bed* in an IGN headline. But that’s basically what happened with Game of Thrones last week, according to some people. Other people disagree, and don’t think it s*** the bed, and merely p***ed its p***s.

And that’s it! That’s the whole show! We did it! We made it, you watched it! What a great team effort!
Max Scoville is co-host and quasi-producer of Up At Noon, you can find him on Twitter @MaxScoville. Every week, he’s been secretly suggesting that people send photos of wet cat food to Brian on Twitter, @AgentBizzle, and so far only one guy did it, but he tagged me in the post, which I feel like ruined some of the mystery.